


Gothy of the Cemetery

by emimix3



Series: Eric Bittle, Falconer Extraordinaire [2]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Angst and Humor, Canon Universe, Chatting & Messaging, Fairy Tale Retellings, Friendship, Gen, Hockey, Junior Hockey, LGBTQ Themes, Mixed Media, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Queer Themes, Recreational Drug Use, Suicide Attempt, Texting, nhl!Bitty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:35:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25290238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emimix3/pseuds/emimix3
Summary: Gothy feels inspired some days, as if he let Edgar Allan Poe possess him - so of course, that means he must let his muse take over so he can retell his story, and the story of how he met Kent Parson and Jack Zimmermann, back in the Q.Gothy renamed the chatGothy the Fabulous – The Origin Story
Relationships: Jack Zimmermann & Original Male Character(s), Kent "Parse" Parson & Jack Zimmermann, Kent "Parse" Parson & Original Male Character(s)
Series: Eric Bittle, Falconer Extraordinaire [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1832161
Comments: 51
Kudos: 89





	Gothy of the Cemetery

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! 
> 
> I started to work on this piece A LONG TIME AGO, and for a lot of reasons I never managed to finish it. 
> 
> It is done, finally.  
> I know a lot of you really enjoyed Gothy in ['You want in or out?'](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16639730) \- so here. Have more about him.  
> It's set after You Want In or Out's storyline.
> 
> Is it really just an excuse to talk about Jack's time in the Q ?
> 
> _Of fucking course_
> 
> Please read the tags for triggering content.

**Halo ça va bien ?**

_Anders (Oilers)  
_> But I’m not sure I agree with you here, Jack  
> You can’t totally strip the concept of divinity out of religion

_Jack (Falcs)  
_> Actually, yes, you can  
> It’s very Christo-centric to consider that God is an essential part of a religion

_Charlie (NYR)  
_> Ok care to develop your argumentation

_Gothy (Schooners)  
_>> Salut les putes

_Gothy renamed the chat **Gothy the Fabulous – The Origin Story**_

_Jack (Falcs)  
_> Gothy, je ne vais te demander qu’une seule fois, très poliment, de s’il te plaît bien vouloir manger tes morts,  
> Cordialement.

_Gothy (Schooners)  
_>> Jack baby bro you dont getit, PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW

_Kent (Aces)  
_> we don’t

_Gothy (Schooners)_  
>> You just say tht bc you already know the story Kenken

_Kent (Aces)  
_> no I say tht bc I alrdy knw the story AND its not tht incrdble

_Nurofen (Habs)  
_> well actually IMO gothy’s life>metaphysical debates on whether y/n god exists and if he do does it matter

_Ark (Oilers)  
_> I agree

_Kent (Aces)  
_> well you’re both stll babyes thts y u say tht but mybe u dont care about it but I don’t wanna be a stupid gay…….. ive never been 2 collge so im gonna enjy the nxt best thng AKA readng debats frm the like 3 only guys /W more thn an HS education in a queer jocks group chat  
> I wanna be more than my incrdble looks!!!! I want to know things n be refined

_Jack (Falcs)  
_> Better start early.

_Gothy (Schooners)  
_>> what if I told you all that my story answers to the question “does god exist”

_Anders (Oilers)  
_> I wouldn’t believe you.

_Charlie (NYR)  
_> Neither would I.

_Gothy (Schooners)  
_>> And you would be right not to!!!!! Still I begin

* * *

Once upon a time, was a far, far away land. It was a treasured place, where the apples were of gold and the rivers of silver. It was a land of purity, wrapped in her untainted white coat of snow, not to be mistaken with the pure white of a Neo-Nazi wet dream.

* * *

_Anders (Oilers)  
_> Gothy what

_Gothy (Schooners)  
_>> Will u shut the fuck up an let me finish my tale

* * *

This land was known for that her people didn’t speak the language of her neighbours. They didn’t really speak any language spoken on this Earth, actually; only a native of the land would ever truly understand any other native of the land.

This land was the whimsical Land of Québec. 

The Land of Québec was a simple place, and her inhabitants only loved three things:

\- Their maple trees, the source of their life. It was said that each inhabitant of Québec, when he was born, was bestowed by the Land a maple tree, that would grow with him and be strong for them, in times where he couldn’t stand by himself, and that when he would die, his soul would join the tree and he’ll live forever in his Land;

\- Anne Dorval;

\- And their Good and Fair King, that was chosen among all of the fairest men of the Land. The Good and Fair King was the one of the young men who would be able to triumph all of the fairest men in the Land’s favourite tourney; the one Grand Tourney of Hookey.

Bob Zimmermann had been the Greatest Good and Fair King of them all.

* * *

_Jack (Falcs)  
_> What the fuck  
> I mean you HAVE met my dad.  
> Also either you use inclusive writing or you don’t but stick to it.

_Ark (Oilers)_  
> I feel bad telling you that because you’re so much older than me but bro, your English

_Gothy (Schooners)_  
>> La calotte de tes morts d’où tu critiques

_Charlie (NYR)  
_> very patriarchal society, this land of quebec

_Gothy (Schooners)  
_>> I havent reachd the sexual liberation mobvement yet

* * *

It’s in this Land, under the rule of the Great Bob Zimmermann that was born a boy. This boy had the heart of a raven, the eyes of a crow, the mind of a jackdaw, and the wisdom of a rook.

He had been born in the middle of a thunderstorm of a cold winter night, in a dark new moon night in a cemetery, for that his mother had wanted to go one last time on the tomb of her mother before she herself gave life, when she was surprised by the rain and the wind. It was on this tomb, that break her womb, and suddenly, she was a mother herself.

Her little boy’s name was Gothy.

* * *

_Jack (Falcs)  
_> Patrick, you were born in september, in St-Justine like everyone else, and you invited me at your grandma’s house more than once

_Kent (Aces)  
_> dont u have 2 olders sister

_Gothy (Schooners)_  
>> OMG STFU or I stop now!!!

_Kent (Aces)  
_> please do!!!!!!!!!!!!

_Gothy (Schooners)_  
>> 😣🤬 I wont then bitch

* * *

With her baby in her arms, the lady was braving the storm, braving the rain, braving the pain. At the edge of the cemetery, she saw a little shack near the maple woods, where all the inhabitants of the Land of Québec’s maple trees were growing. 

Drenched, cold, and weak, her precious infant near her breast, the lady entered the shack to hide from the storm that was following her restlessly.

In the shack, there were on the stove warm towels. The lady was wet, so she took one, dried her baby, and she took another, and dried herself.

“So many warm towels! I’m so glad I’ve found cloths, for my dampness,” said she.

In the shack, there was on the stove soup. The lady was hungry, so she filled a bowl and sat at the table, she fed her baby, and then she ate the soup.

“Such a good soup! I’m so glad I’ve found food, for my hunger,” said she.

In the shack, there was next to the stove a bed. The lady was tired, so she laid her baby, and she laid next to him.

“Such a comfortable bed! I’m so glad I’ve found a cot, for my fatigue,” said she, and she fell asleep.

* * *

_Charlie (NYR)_  
> Theres gonna be an evil witch where is the evil witch 🧙🧙!!!!

_Anders (Oilers)  
_> Stop it don’t confort him in his phrenzy

* * *

In the morning, entered the three owners of the shack: the Three Evil Witches.

* * *

_Charlie (NYR)  
_> Oh my god there were THREE evil witches 😮😮😮  
> Are they married or sisters

_Gothy (Schooners)_  
>> It’s not openly said in the tale so scholars argue theyre sisters but actually theyre married

* * *

“During the night, someone took our warm towels!” said the first witch.

“During the night, someone ate our warm soup!” said the second witch.

“During the night, someone slept in our warm bed!” said the third witch.

That woke up the sleeping lady, and the sleeping baby.

Seeing the Three Evil Witches, the lady screamed, and ran away, letting her baby behind her.

The Three Evil Witches went near the baby, that had just been forgotten.

“This babe has been dried,” said the first witch.

“This babe has been fed,” said the second witch.

“This babe has been tucked,” said the third witch.

“It is clear that this babe has been loved,” said all Three Evil Witches.

But the lady had already ran away, scared senseless when she saw the Three Evil Witches, for that they are known for eating whomever trespasses their home.

But, when they saw this little baby with the heart of a raven, the eyes of a crow, the mind of a jackdaw, and the wisdom of a rook, the Three Evil Witches melted. They were Witches, they were Evil, and now, instead of being three, they’ll be four, for that the woman who had given him life and had loved him had abandoned him.

* * *

_Jack (Falcs)_  
> I’m screenshotting this and sending it to your poor mother.  
> Bittle how do you screenshot things

_Kent (Aces)_ **  
** > listn ive seen his mom once n I think that’s te kinda shit she’d dig n make a series about or hathever producers do

_Gothy (Schooners)_  
>> Actually I pitched it to her beforehand she loved it

_Charlie (NYR)_  
> Im weirdly invested

_Lebo (NYI)_  
> You’re weirdly everything, Charlie.

* * *

Gothy of the Cemetery grew up, true to both the Land of Québec and his Three Evil Witches parents.

The Evil Witches had been Good to him, and for his fifth birthday, they had granted him three gifts.

The first witch gave him a spell that will protect his maple tree, that the Land of Québec had granted him in the woods behind the shack.

The second witch gave him an autograph of Anne Dorval.

The third witch gave him a shield and a weapon, so that he would be the strongest boy and the fairest man for the next Hookey tourney.

* * *

_Pichaku (NYR)  
_> Ok on stoppe tout t’as un autographe d’anne dorval ??

_Gothy (Schooners)  
_>> I met her bitch  
>> She ate at my dinner table  
>> She worked on a series my mom produced

* * *

Gothy of the Cemetery trained, unceasingly, so that he’ll make the Three Evil Witches proud and he’ll become the next Good and Fair King of the Land of Québec, and once he’ll be the Good and Fair King, he’ll finally have a TV to play video games because well the Three Evil Witches were nice but there wasn’t any electricity in this shack.

When he was fifteen, Gothy of the Cemetery finally got good enough at Hookey that it was time for him to move away from his little shack, his little village near the cemetery, his little friends, and to go to the city to get even better at Hookey, and maybe one day, compete in the Grand Tourney.

Before he left, all Three Evil Witches, once again, granted him a gift.

The first witch granted him force, so he wouldn’t flinch when checked by his enemies.

The second witch granted him courage, in a poster of Anne Dorval proudly smiling at him.

The third witch granted him bravery, by taking away his fears.

Gothy of the Cemetery hugged the first witch, then the second witch, and the third witch, and he went on the way to the city.

The city’s name was Rimousqueer.

* * *

_Jack (Falcs)  
_> It was not.

_Kent (Aces)  
_> !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES ITS US 🌈🌈🌈  
> wait no wwwo gothy pls shaddup /w ur studpids storey

* * *

Rimousqueer was a small coastal city of the Land of Québec, near the nourishing father that was the St-Laurent river; a city harsh and cold and snowy, but a city where Gothy of the Cemetery would grow into himself to become the best Hookey Jouster, and maybe, the next Good and Fair King.

In the small coastal city of the Land of Québec that was Rimousqueer, Gothy had found a team of Hookey Jousters, that welcomed him with open arms when they saw his force, his courage, and his bravery.

One of the Hookey Jousters was Kenneth Son of Par, from the Land of Murika. Kenneth had crossed regions and borders to try his chance in the next Hookey Grand Tourney, in the hope of being the next Good and Fair King; and Kenneth was small, but he was quick, and a fucking rat, and he was good.

Another of the Hookey Jousters that he met was Jacob Zimmermann-

* * *

_Jack (Falcs)_  
> Ok so stop isn’t that supposed to be a parallel of your actual life? Because you definitely met me before. We were in the same class from 3ème primaire.

_Gothy (Schooners)_  
>> ??? Only?? It wasn’t pre-school???

_Jack (Falcs)  
_> No? I was in JPPS-Bialik until I switched for your school which had a better schedule for sports

_Gothy (Schooners)  
_>> Anyway I forgot about that because we weren’t friends back in school anyway  
>> Shit  
>> I need to re-make the entire story

* * *

Once upon a time

* * *

_Anders (Oilers)_  
> NO

_Bitty (Falcs)_  
> NO

_Zdar (Schooners)  
_> NO

_Gothy (Schooners)_  
>> Ok ok, CRISSE

* * *

Jacob Zimmermann was born with a Hookey shield and weapon in his hands, no wonder his mother only had one child. Jacob Zimmermann had been, by far, the best of the Jousters of the team of Rimousqueer, because Jacob Zimmermann had been training, night and day, since he was born to become the next Good and Fair King; for that he was the very son of the Good and Fair King Bob Zimmermann, and Jacob Zimmermann, was, definitely, the Hookey Prince.

* * *

_Bitty (Falcs)  
_> ok I feel like it’s important to mention it re:prince  
> but Jack has this kink

_Jack (Falcs)  
_> Love if you know what’s good for you you’ll stop right here.

_Charlie (NYR)  
_> @Bitty PM

_Kent (Aces)_  
> @Bitty PM

_Gothy (Schooners)  
_>> @Bitty PM

_Jack (Falcs)_  
> CRISSE JUSTE CONTINUE TA DULL DE STORY QU’ON EN FINISSE AVANT QUE JE TE PLANTE

_Gothy (Schooners)  
_>> oh y va se calmer le ptit père

* * *

Gothy of the Cemetery had grown knowing

* * *

**Bitty, Gothy**

> When in bottom-mood, Jack is into being called ‘My prince’ in bed  
> Also he becomes a whiny needy bitch  
> Really contrasts with his service-top habits but my pretty dom butt won’t complain 👌👌😜

>> Bitty I don’t know how to thank you for this information so I just ordered u a pizza and a pint of icecream it should arrive @ur appt in 15 minutes tops  
>> 🙏🙏

****

**_Gothy the Fabulous – The Origin Story_ **

_Anders (Oilers)_  
> He had grown knowing what  
> You can’t begin a sentence and then disappear in the middle of it

_Nurofen (Habs)  
_> it really stresses me out hes callin u Jacob in there

_Jack (Falcs)_  
> ? It is my name.

_Gothy (Schooners)_  
>> Sorry something Very Important Came Up

_Kent (Aces)_  
> wha??????????t  
> ur name aint j ack??????

_Jack (Falcs)_  
> No it’s Jacob? But I’m only really called Jacob when I’m called to read and on my passeports and ID papers, so I enrolled school and all under Jack Laurent Zimmermann  
> Why is everyone surprised about my name

_Gothy (Schooners)_  
>> WHO CARES ABOUT JACOB LAURENT BENZAOUD-ZIMMERMANN’S NAME

_Anders (Oilers)_  
> YOURE MOM MAIDEN NAME IS JOHNSON. ALICIA JOHNSON.

_Jack (Falcs)_  
> No it’s Atsila Benzaoud, Alicia Johnson is her white stage name in America.

_Nurofen (Habs)  
_>   
> BENZAOUD?  
> ok I kinda get why she switched to johnson in the 80’s hollywwood

_Gothy (Schooners)_  
>> The name is gothy’s origin sotry, not jacOB’s

_Kent (Aces)  
_> jsyk my name aint really kenneth its just kent  
> In case maybe perhaps any of you cared.

* * *

SO, Gothy of the Cemetery had grown knowing that he was good at Hookey. The best of the village. None of the boys and girls could measure up to him ; hence why he had been sent to Rimousqueer by the Three Evil Witches, who knew that he had it in him to win the Hookey Grand Tourney and become the next Good and Fair King.

For the first time, Gothy of the Cemetery had great rivals in the persons of Kenneth Son of Par and Jacob Zimmermann, and the other Hookey Jousters, for that he may have had been the best in his village, but in Rimousqueer, all the Jousters have had been the best of their villages, and all of them wanted to prove that they were the next best pick to become the Good and Fair King.

The town of Rimousqueer was hosting several Small Tourneys against the other towns of the Land of Québec, for that their Jousters could content between one another.

By the time the first of those Tourneys came, the team of the Jousters of Rimousqueer had yet to have learnt how to work together.

Gothy of the Cemetery, by his incredible and indisputable superiority, scared all of his rivals and teammates.

Kenneth Son of Par didn’t speak the language of the Land of Québec. The inhabitants of the Land knew how to speak his, as it was the Common Tongue, but none of them had bothered to.

Jacob Zimmermann, the Hookey Prince, didn’t talk to any of the other Jousters. He was sharing his quarters with Gothy of the Cemetery, but no friendship had blossomed between the two. Gothy had yet to learn if Jacob Zimmerman only had a voice.

The oldest of the Jousters didn’t like that the Hookey Prince was among them. They felt like the Grand Tourney wasn’t going to be fair, for that the Hookey Prince had an unfair advantage to become the next Good and Fair King.

* * *

_Zdar (Schooners)  
_> Wait so it’s a team game or a solo game

_Gothy (Schooners)_  
>> It’s a team game but even team games have star players and first-overall draft picks

* * *

The day of the Small Tourney, three of the oldest Jousters plotted for a regicide.

“The Hookey Prince is among us, and he wants the place that he thinks is his, just for his birth.”

“As long as the Hookey Prince is among us, we can’t compete to have one day the title of Good and Fair King.”

“Let’s sabotage him, so that the Hookey Prince will be among us no more.”

And the Three Oldest Jousters sabotaged the gear of the Hookey Prince right before the Small Tourney.

The first loosened the strap of his shield, so that he wouldn’t be protected correctly.

The second blunted his sword, so that he wouldn’t attack correctly.

The third put rocks in his sabatons, so that he wouldn’t move correctly.

* * *

_Charlie (NYR)  
_> JSYK I made some microwave popcorn and im live reading this to my roommates

_Kent (Aces)  
_> is this goin were I think its going bc I rmmbr our 1st ghame

* * *

The Small Tourney began, and Jacob Zimmermann, the Hookey Prince, had been put on the Hookey Field with the oldest Jousters.

He was a good Hookey Jouster. Gothy of the Cemetery and Kenneth Son of Par, who were still on the edge of the field, waiting for their turn to shine, could see that.

He managed to protect correctly, to attack correctly, and to move correctly.

By the end of the first half of the encounter, no one could disagree that Jacob Zimmermann was a Fairly Good Hookey Jouster.

The Team of Rimousqueer retreated to their quarters to wait for the second half of the encounter.

Kenneth Son of Par and Gothy of the Cemetery, who had yet to play out on the field, were the last in the group, having right in front of them only the Three Oldest Hookey Jousters, who didn’t notice them.

“I don’t get it,” said the first. “I loosened the strap of his shield.”

“Neither do I,” added the second. “I blunted his sword.”

“It’s incomprehensible,” concluded the third. “I put rocks in his sabatons.”

“Maybe we should sabotage the Hookey Prince some more,” said the three.

Gothy of the Cemetery, hearing that, became enraged. He had been raised by Three Evil Witches, who taught him that rivalry was only Good when in was Fair.

They had granted him Force, and Anne Dorval’s poster, and Fearlessness, so Gothy of the Cemetery didn’t hesitate and punched the first of the Three Oldest Hookey Jousters in the jaw.

Kenneth Son of Par, who couldn’t understand what has been said in the Language of the Land of Québec, punched the second.

The third called for the trainer of Rimousqueer.

“What is happening?” asked the trainer.

“I am punching them,” said Gothy of the Cemetery, “for that they have sabotaged Jacob Zimmermann instead of competing on Good and Fair grounds next to him.

“Exactly,” Kenneth Son of Par, who didn’t understand, added.

“It is false”, the third Oldest Jouster said, “for that it is clear that Jacob Zimmerman is a good Jouster and his gear clearly didn’t hinder him.”

But the trainers went to check Jacob Zimmermann’s gear, and it was clear that the shield strap had been loosened, the sword had been blunted, and some rocks had been put in his sabatons.

The gear got fixed, and the Three Oldest Jouster got fired.

Jacob Zimmermann went to Gothy of the Cemetery and Kenneth Son of Par, and he said to them, in the Common Tongue:

“Thank you, for that you helped me. You could have wished I had been injured, so I weren’t a rival anymore to you, but you have been Good and Fair.”

“I couldn’t have wished that,” Gothy of the Cemetery said, “for that Anne Dorval in her interviews always tell us to be nice.”

“You know Anne Dorval?!” Jacob Zimmermann shrieked.

“I have her autograph; and her poster.”

“Who is Anne Dorval?” Kenneth of the Land Below Québec asked.

And that’s how, thanks to Anne Dorval, a friendship blossomed between the Three Jousters.

* * *

_Anders (Oilers)  
_> …

_Gothy (Schooners)  
_>> what

_Anders (Oilers)  
_> I’m waiting for Kent and Jack to interject and say it didn’t happen like that

_Jack (Falcs)_  
> It happened exactly like that though.  
> Charlie you’re not the only one eating while reading, for some reason Bittle ordered a pizza and ice cream?

_Gothy (Schooners)  
_>> 😉

_Bitty (Falcs)  
_> 😉

_Kent (Aces)  
_> Anne dorval taught me how 2 survve in qu”bec  
>  


* * *

It wasn’t until the next Small Tourney that the Hookey Prince was sent back on the field, along Gothy of the Cemetery and Kenneth Son of Par nonetheless.

The trainers always sent the three of them on the field at the same time, for that they did Good Together. Gothy of the Cemetery was protecting, Kenneth Son of Par was moving, and Jacob Zimmermann was attacking.

They were both an unstoppable force and an immutable object, on and off the field, for a while; until it was clear that they could be better.

If Jacob Zimmermann had been a Good Jouster with sabotaged gear, once he had a correct shield, a sharp sword, and good sabatons, it was clear he wasn’t a Good Jouster. He was a Great One.

So, Gothy of the Cemetery and Kenneth Son of Par spent countless hours, night and day, training with the Hookey Prince in hope of staying on par with him.

The Small Tourneys came and went, and so did the feasts to celebrate them. And there was so much to celebrate! More often than not, Rimousqueer was winning their Jousts.

* * *

_Ark (Oilers)_  
> Ok but I gotta ask. I was afk and I just caught up  
> Jack & Gothy you weren’t friends when u went to school together???

_Jack (Falcs)_  
> No.

_Bitty (Falcs)_  
> … 🤦

_Jack (Falcs)_  
> ?

_Ark (Oilers)_  
> … Why????

_Jack (Falcs)_  
> Oh ! Well uh  
> You know.

_Ark (Oilers)_  
> No, we don’t that’s why I ask

_Jack (Falcs)_  
> Well hmm. I didn’t make friends. Why? Pick your guess.  
> A) I was the son of famous people and I was in various gossip magazines on the regular since I was born, setting me apart from everyone  
> B) I was pulled out of a private jewish school to be put in a public secular school just to be able to play more hockey and the transition was Not Smooth  
> C) I’m autistic and I have no idea of how to people

_Gothy (Schooners)_  
>> Ou bien D) La réponse D 😉

_Jack (Falcs)_  
> C’est ton ultime bafouille :-D ?  
> Spoiler alert it was all of those. My childhood wasn’t stellar

_Bitty (Falcs)_  
> :(

_Jack (Falcs)_  
> It got better in the Q?  
> Gothy and I were sent in the same billet family and we didn’t know the other guys so day 1 he adopted me and decided I was his BFF  
> At least I never had a goth phase

_Kent (Aces)_  
> 😂😂🤣

_Anders (Oilers)_  
> lol

_Gothy (Schooners)_  
>> BITCH NIQUE TA MERE  
>> [Picture of a laptop screen displaying an old picture. Teen Gothy is with Jack Zimmermann, they are in the middle of what seems to be a punk concert in a pub basement]  
>> Can I PLEASE continue now

_Bitty (Falcs)_  
> Sweetie… So much acne

* * *

<https://open.spotify.com/track/10rChmECwPcvTTj4w07hq4?si=-LVpPDQETUeXs3FPxRzz_Q>

They were good. They were strong. They worked

* * *

_Bitty (Falcs) **  
**_ > Did you just link us a music

_Gothy (Schooners)_  
>> I’m exploiting my narrative media as much as I can

_Charlie (NYR)_  
> gothy your narrative media is a google doc on which you’re writing in real time

_Gothy (Schooners)  
_>> Shut it an enjoy the background music, ingrate

* * *

They were good. They were strong. They worked hard. Together, they won Tourneys. Together, they slew trolls. Together, they slew dragons.

They were, the three of them, the best of friends. They shared everything. Gothy of the Cemetery, in his infinite goodwill, ever shared his Anne Dorval poster with them. So it’s naturally, that one day, he told them a secret; a thing that he had never been able to tell anyone, for that parallel fairy tale universe or not, the world was still shitty.

“I need to tell you,” said he, “because you are my friends. I love men.”

“That, my brother, is neat,” said Kenneth. “So do I.”

“Great for you both,” said Jacob the Hookey Prince, instead of, you know, also goddamn say he’s into sucking dick.

* * *

_Jack (Falcs)_  
> Hi I didn’t owe you to CO

_Gothy (Schooners)_  
>> u owe me everything especially 5 bucks for this one poutine don’t u think I forgot

_Charlie (NYR)_  
> Jack wallah rends l’argent gros bikelboun

_Jack (Falcs)  
_> viens-tu pas me gosser et retourne dans le 9-2 toi

_Charlie (NYR)_  
> TG blédard je viens de créteil

_Jack (Falcs)  
_> C’est y toi le blédard sale frais chié va

_Gothy (Schooners)  
_>> vous allez fermer vos mouilles marde ou il faut que je vous arrache les cordes vocales bande de gueux

_Bitty (Falcs)_  
>

* * *

<https://open.spotify.com/track/7jrSQcNFeAqqivcWu61oPl?si=3cXObHOnTbWJ_C88_IlVlA>

But Gothy of the Cemetery knew.

He wasn’t good enough.

He had been the best in his tiny village. He had been strong enough. But now, he was in Rimousqueer. Everyone here had been the strongest of his village. Gothy of the Cemetery was working harder than God. But so many other young lads, better to begin with, were doing so too. Gothy of the Cemetery knew he wasn’t going to be the heir. But he also knew that both Jacob, Prince of Hookey, and Kenneth Son of Par, from the Land of Murika, would have a shot to the throne. So, Gothy of the Cemetery worked even more, to hope to be good enough to help one of them to win.

And he did. After three years, Rimousqueer was reigning over all the other cities. They were, there was no debate, the best team of Hookey players that had ever been. They would _slay_ their way into the Great Tourney, as soon as the Tourney would begin.

Jacob Zimmermann, Prince of Hookey, and Kenneth, Son of Parse, were neck to neck for being the next Good and Fair King.

One of them would win, that was certain – the question, although, was – which of them would.

* * *

_Ark (Oilers)_  
> Wait I don’t get the metaphor, the great tourney is the Q tournament right? and the whole goo and fair king thing – it’s a first draft pick parallel??? But why Is bob still king then?????? There’s a draft every year!!!!!

_Jack (Falconers)_  
> my dad wasn’t even first pick or anything

_Gothy (Schooners)_  
>> it’s  
>> shut the fuck up ok  
>> it makes sense in my head

* * *

That was substantial burden to put on the shoulders of two men barely adults – nevertheless, men that were teammates, friends, brothers.

And Gothy of the Cemetery, who didn’t know how to support his companions, followed them in their burden. To alleviate of the hardship, the three friends had taken the bad habit of drowning their woes in alcohol, in celebrations, and one notable time, in stardust. Anne Dorval’s poster was disapproving of them, but for the three, it was the best way to relieve themselves. The alternative would have been to go to someone, and to them, talk about their feelings – and that was something neither of them would do, because they were men, and men shouldn’t have feelings, they’ve been taught. They should be rocks, looking straight into adversity, and never fail. They already felt enough that they were failing because of who they loved – they couldn’t also be failing about what they did.

* * *

_Kent (Aces)_  
> Oof.

* * *

<https://open.spotify.com/track/41HYttCBvuyzQqiQyMg7D9?si=KI_ktfhjSJGeIySAuq7gWA>

They were waning. They were weak. They worked to the bone. Yes, they won Hookey Tourneys. Yes, they were Great Jousters. Yes, they slew trolls. Yes, they slew dragons.

But they didn’t realise that their worse enemies were themselves – and each other.

High on the rage to win, the need to prove themselves, and benzos, they fought their way through the Great Tourney – to the top. Gothy of the Cemetery was protecting, Kenneth Son of Par was moving, and Jacob Zimmermann was attacking.

And together, they lead Rimousqueer to the last act of the Great Tourney – the last fight, the last chance to prove what they were worth as Jousters.

And the sweat, the tears, the blood they shed together paid – for that they defeated the last team.

They were the winners of the Great Tourney – but they were yet to know who would become the next Good and Fair King.

The night of their win, they celebrated with a feast. It was, after all, the crowning glory of their time together – ah, if they were not crowned Kings tomorrow, they at least were Kings tonight!

Alcohol was flowing, people were parading, stardust was flying; surely, if that’s how a victory of the Great Tourney of the Land od Québéc was celebrated, the feast when the mantle of Good and Fair King would be passed down would be spectacular!

Ah, Gothy couldn’t wait to know which one of his friends would become the Good and Fair King.

Kenneth, Son of Par, from the Land of Murika, had trained for years, had left his Land and his family for this – he was more than ready to take the mantle.

Jacob Zimmermann, Hookey Prince, son of the Good and Fair King Bob Zimmermann, had trained for years, had seen his family live in Hookey Nobility.

He was not ready to take the mantle.

And he knew that he had trained so much, and had becomen so good, that tomorrow, he would be the one that would be crowned the next Good and Fair King.

Jacob Zimmermann took fear and left the feast, and he never came back from it.

* * *

_Bitty (Falcs)_  
> Oh.

* * *

“Where is Jack, our friend?” asked Kenneth, Son of Par.

“Let us look for him, for that I have no idea of where he hides,” Gothy of the Cemetery replied.

They knocked on the first door of the hallway of the manor the feast was in.

“Who is here?” asked someone inside.

“Gothy of the Cemetery and Kenneth, Son of Par. We’re looking for Jacob Zimmermann.”

“He is not here. Don’t open, I’m trying to hook up with a maiden.”

“We see. Good luck.”

They knocked on the second door of the hallway of the manor the feast was in.

“Who is here?” asked someone inside.

“Gothy of the Cemetery and Kenneth, Son of Par. We’re looking for Jacob Zimmermann.”

“He is not here. Don’t open, we’re hotboxing in there.”

“We see. Good luck.”

They knocked on the third door of the hallway of the manor the feast was in.

“Who is here?” asked someone inside.

“This is Gothy of the Cemetery and Kenneth, Son of Par. We’re looking for Jacob Zimmermann.”

“He is not here. Don’t open.”

“We see. Good luck.”

They heard something dropped on the floor. And then, someone.

“Who is here?” insisted Gothy of the Cemetery, but this time, no one replied.

“We need to enter – I fear someone needs our help here.”

“The door is closed, alas,” said Gothy of the Cemetery.

“Who the fuck care, dude? Just kick it open, he probably did an ethylic coma, fuck!” Kent yelled.

Gothy of the Cemetery gathered his thoughts together, and thanks to weapon and the shield he had been granted, he managed to force open the door of the hallway.

On the other side, Jacob Zimmermann was laying on the floor, out cold.

Gothy of the Cemetery and Kenneth, Son of Par, were seeing their teammate, their friend, their brother, dying on the floor and they didn’t know what to do.

Gothy of the Cemetery was the first of them to act, and to run by their friend’s side.

Jacob Zimmermann, who had been, until one minute prior, the most likely to become the next Good and Fair King, was dying in the middle of a feast full of contraband and prohibited substances.

Kenneth, Son of Par, would be the next in line for the throne given he’s not caught in there.

Gothy, for that he had been blessed by the gift of protection, needed to help them both.

“Kent! Call an ambulance! And tell everyone to clean their shit downstairs!”

“But-”

“Did I fucking stutter? He’s dying there!”

Kenneth, Son of Par, ran to look for help, all while Gothy of the Cemetery was left with his friend’s unconscious body.

Nothing was working. Jacob Zimmermann wouldn’t wake up.

No sweat, no tear, no blood was enough to wake him up.

When he was about to give up, Gothy of the Cemetery heard a voice in his ear.

“You can save him. His soul isn’t in his maple tree yet.”

The voice was the voice of Anne Dorval. And Anne Dorval was always right.

So Gothy of the Cemetery, who vowed to protect his friends, start the journey to the forest of Maple Trees – the maple trees every inhabitant of the Land of Québec was bestowed, the trees that grew with them and were strong for them, in time when they couldn’t stand by themselves, the forest behind the shack of the three Witches.

He made his way to the forest, and in the forest, he found the maple tree of Jacob Zimmermann, Hookey Prince.

“Land of Québec! Hear me out,” shouted he. “Do not steal me Jacob Zimmermann, my teammate, my friend, my brother!”

“And why that?” replied the Maple Tree. “By allowing his soul to come to me, I’ll be protecting him more than any of you did.”

“We did our best to help each other out. We did our best to protect each other.”

“And yet, you failed.”

“Of course I did. I’m not a therapist, I’m fucking 18, I never finished high school, I have no fucking idea of what real life looks like – do you really think I had any fucking chance to succeed? Give me a break, and let me take my friend back! Listen, Tree – I’ve been granted by the Three Evil Witches a spell that protects my Maple Tree. Use it to save my friend. Because I’ve failed, maybe. But I’m trying to make amends now. I’m trying to fix things and save him. And what are _you_ doing? _Nothing_. Because you’re a fucking tree, and you’re stuck here, in the ground, trying to sound wise, but you’re a tree. Shut the fuck up. I’ll fight you if I need to, don’t even try me. I’ll cut you down and I’ll build a Starbucks where you stand so proudly.”

“Very well, Gothy of the Cemetery. You clearly do not need a spell to protect your own tree, I’ll give you that. I’ll give you your friend, too. But know that never he’ll be like before.”

“Who will?” said Gothy.

Gothy of the Cemetery made the journey back. Kenneth, Son of Par, had called for help, and help had come to the call.

Jacob Zimmermann, Hookey Prince, was whisked away to be healed.

Kenneth, Son of Par and Gothy of the Cemetery, didn’t exchange a word after that.

The following day, Kenneth, Son of Par, of the Land of Murika, was crowned new Good and Fair King, as he had dreamed of. Gothy of the Cemetery had been knighted, one among a dozen other Jousters, and he was sent so far away from home, from all he had known, to fight in other Hookey Tourneys.

And all three wished they lived happily ever after.

Fin.

* * *

_Anders (Oilers)  
_> Oh. Oh wow.

_Lebo (NYI)_  
> That’s. A lot.  
> Purely fictional story, of course?

_Gothy (Schooners)_  
>> Yes. Yes of course.

_Ark (Oilers)_  
> Kent, Jack, what do you think about it?

_Anders (Oilers)_  
> I wanna know!!!

_Zdar (Schooners)_  
> I think they’re both AFK.

* * *

Gothy’s phone rang.

Honestly, if the caller ID showed any other name, he wouldn’t have replied. He was still trembling a little.

“Allô, Jack.”

“Gothy.”

“You liked my fairy tale? I’m getting better at writing.”

“Gothy…”

“Yeah?”

“Gothy. You’re the one who saved me. You’re the one who found me, and who resuscitated me, even if for a whole minute you thought I was dead and you wouldn’t be able to do it.”

Jack’s voice was cracking, but certain.

“I. You didn’t know?”

“I didn’t want to. I asked my parents not to tell me.”

“… Yes, Jack. I found you. I thought you were _dead_.”

“I was. For a little while, I was. But you managed to bring me back. Gothy, listen. I can never thank you enough. Truth is… I didn’t want to know who saved me. Because for a while, when I was still at the hospital… I was resenting you. I- Gothy, it wasn’t an accident-”

“Jack, bro-”

“-it wasn’t, and. And now that time passed and I grew older and I learnt to love life again and I have an actual therapist that does her job instead of just giving me pills, I can finally say it. Gothy, thank you for saving my life. Gothy, I’m so sorry I cut you out for years during my recovery. You were my oldest friend, and I didn’t want to see you disappointed in what I had become, what I had done. You truly were -are- a great friend. And don’t sell yourself short. You’re a great hockey player. How did Kent put it? Something about the ‘top’ players being shit if they hadn’t a solid team to rely on. And you are the solidest team player out there.”

Gothy felt a lump in his throat. His voice cracking.

It felt good to be seen.

He wiped his cheeks, and he said:

“Haha. Except that I actually always am a top, Zimms, and not the kind to turn into a whiny bottom bitch, My Prince. Enjoy your pizza.”

“Wha- I’m gonna kill- Gothy! You can’t defuse all emotional moments with your shitty chirps!”

“I don’t do emotions.”

“I love you, bro.”

“I’m glad I got you back.”

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr](http://insertatitlehere.tumblr.com/)   
>  [Other OMGCP works](https://archiveofourown.org/works?utf8=%E2%9C%93&work_search%5Bsort_column%5D=revised_at&include_work_search%5Bfandom_ids%5D%5B%5D=1147379&work_search%5Bother_tag_names%5D=&work_search%5Bexcluded_tag_names%5D=&work_search%5Bcrossover%5D=&work_search%5Bcomplete%5D=&work_search%5Bwords_from%5D=&work_search%5Bwords_to%5D=&work_search%5Bdate_from%5D=&work_search%5Bdate_to%5D=&work_search%5Bquery%5D=&work_search%5Blanguage_id%5D=&commit=Sort+and+Filter&user_id=emimix3)


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